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“HAHAHA… Wait, Seriously?”

8de09-NotSureIfSeriousSo, I entertain myself… a lot. Maybe it’s “only child syndrome”- maybe my kids really are making me insane… but there’s a lot of stuff happening in my mind. Oftentimes, it’s humorous. Look, if there’s no one around- what’s the harm in giggling to myself- or to my mind which may be presently entertaining or attacking me, depending on the moment and amount of sleep.
So, one of the major fantasies I have – (and I am almost reluctant to admit it here because then I could never actually do it but- what the hell.)is that I will get a new group or client (better in a group because you KNOW I enjoy an audience) and I show up – IN CHARACTER. Like, all camouflage WITH face paint and bullhorn, then only bark orders and half-insults, or as a Prayer-hands, namaste’ talking yogi-type who wants folks to fold into origami-like shapes and “Breathe through their sarcasm”.
They please me- these fantasies.
Another is- just telling clients to do random shit.
“No, you have to do this set of burps with no pants…”
“These squats need to be punctuated with a BANSHEE WARBLE…”
“Try and breathe through your eyes with these push ups…”

Sounds insane- right?
BUT- if I FOLLOW THESE STATEMENTS with :
” – You’ll lose weight.”
” – you will burn twice the calories.”
” – This is how Beyonce does it.”

THEN, I BET YOU- (at least some) of these folks would CONSIDER THAT INSANITY.

Think I’m wrong?

Consider:
The lemonade/maple syrup/cayenne concoction that MF’ers STILL DO.
WAIST TRAINING.
GASTRIC BANDS.
The “Eat Grass & Be Surly” or whatever shit Gwyneth is fucking touting.

STILL with the gimmicks and fast fixes. SIGH. BIG OL’ SIGH.

Just eat REAL FOOD. Don’t eat like a linebacker for the Bears. Don’t drink soda or attend kegs every night. Then, move your ass. It’s simple… But NNNOOO- here you are checking out that fucking Bull Penis Pill that “Guarantee’s You’ll Drop 3 dress Sizes By Monday” as you cry over a bag of Oreos at 3am.

Calm down. Eat Right. Exercise. You’ll be fine… Especially if you do pastels Burpees.


May 19, 2016 | Category: Brooke's Blog | Comments: none